CAN I JUST SAY?


long talks with good friends late at night are so good.


2% effort is not going to yield results... if you don't have 100% to give... no biggie... but just stop the 2%


got myself my first sunburn of the season at crane's beach today! feelin' good!


traumatic moments bring the most amazing perspective


i can't begin to explain the amazingness of my friends. i am one lucky girl!


having the day off on wednesdays is like getting to have christmas once a week every week!


my most amazing sister susan is helping me go out to see my parents come home from their LDS mission. i can't tell you how blessed that makes me feel.


i can't wait to SQUISH every last baby when i get to utard!


peace of mind is different than happiness... and far more valuable.


those kids i play with every day are some of my best friends out here... laughing with them is the best part of my day!


i was a different girl when i first moved here. to look back on my progress is humbling and joyous.

CONFESSIONS OF AN IMMATURE 27-YEAR-OLD


indeed, tis true, i feel much younger than i am. but when i say much younger, i'm not talking 21... i'm talking more like 5 possibly 6... 7 if i am having an incredibly off day. it's no wonder i can play with kids all day... i am one.

you know how in movies you always see the "adults" at a dinner party with their wine and fancy clothing, sitting around discussing tolstoy or so and so's theory of beep bop boop? yeah, i don't think i could ever go to one of those, cuz i haven't fully developed into a mature, functioning adult yet.

check it: yesterday i went to a dinner with some really great people. there were fascinating new people i had never met before and i was doing my "grown up duty" of getting to know them. there was a dude there that is going to school to make violins... and really... how amazing is that?!

so, of course, we all commence in asking all of the appropriate questions that one, who is curious as to how you make a violin, would. he indulged. which by the way, did you know that violin strings used to be made out of CAT GUTS??? holy shnikes! those of you who know me, can only imagine the kind of jokes being thrown about at the expense of the poor dead cats who now"sing" classic greats like mozart. then he started talking about the G string and it was all over from there. try holding corn in your mouth when without warning he begins to pontificate on the best ways to prepare a G string-- he had to have known where that would go, right? or maybe he just isn't used to nerds like me who think all things inappropriate are funny. (by the way the dude totally rolled with the jokes... he's a good one)

but it doesn't end and begin with this story. time and time again, i am constantly having to attempt to check my "funny" at the doors of those who otherwise would not appreciate my brand of humor. (thanks to all my friends who don't make me do that!)

i'm sorry if i can't help myself but be saucy to those who take themselves to seriously... wrong... i know... but i am what i am!

there is hope though, i think i will finally reach my prime in my 60's.

LIFE CHANGING MOMENTS

hi, my name is middle-class-white-suburbia... with a limited perspective.

i can only see the world through the lens i was brought up with...

until i seek for a new one.

did you know that not all kids that grow up on the street end up drug pushers and thieves?

they may start off that way, because they have nothing else... no one else.

but there are some, with a divine purpose on earth.

to show a better way for those who otherwise would just live to survive...

not live to follow their dreams.

hip hop is for thugs, no?

hip hop is drugs, sex, misogynistic, angry.

maybe because no one is out there telling these talented artists that there is more to write about

something so much deeper and truer to who they are.

there is divinity in it... a way for these kids... who have literally grown up in hell... to speak.

last night i watched, in amazement, as one man started a wave of change.

not only change in the way these kids will write... but also live their lives.

and a change in the way others will see what is really happening on the streets and that these kids have so much more to them than what we would ever think.

it gave me a new lens.

want one yourself? go see this movie.

it's coming out on MAY 11 nationwide.

http://www.hiphopproject.com/thehiphopproject.html

for colleen

POISION

meet the BRATZ dolls.

aren't the just cute???

what with their shorter than short mini-skirts, high-heels, tons of make-up and fashion accessories.

these dolls are what countless girls play with every day. and we wonder why there are so many body issues in the world today... more so than ever before! we wonder why a 5 year old, while playing with her friends, looks into the mirror and says "i'm so fat."

meet a disney icon

fashion queen, totally cute... don't forget really thin, make-up... the nines, right?

and why not... she's in middle school and that's normal. pre-teens are coming into their own and figuring out their own style.

but did you know that the target audience for this show is 9 years old?

9 people!!!

dude at the age of nine i was running around bare-footed and ratty-haired, with whatever k-mart clothes were clean that day and not a care in the whole world about what i looked like. and never once did i think i needed to care that much either.

i work with kids every day. i look around and see the images that they are faced with on a daily basis and i find myself talking like an old grandma

"back in my day it was the smurfs, care bears and strawberry shortcake... no emphasis on fashion, just fun and imagination... life was so much simpler."

yeah and one could find themselves saying all of those things throughout all of the generations past. the fact of the matter is, it HAS gotten worse. every generation seems to push the fence just a little bit more, allowing more sex to sell, allowing the focus to be so much more on fashion and THINGS (ipods and such) be more provocative, more sexy and it will sell better than the other guys schmoo. and get them at a young age... if you can get them as a customer at the age of 10... you've got em for life!

so how do we protect the next generation of girls from being bombarded with these images? sure you can limit the amount of television watched... it does help some.

and thankfully there are alternatives to those dolls.

but you are never going to get the media and the toy makers to stop pushing the envelope. they are never going to stop targeting young kids.

but the best source of how these girls see themselves and fashion and their bodies comes from the adults around them.

how you treat food, fashion and your own bodies will have the most profound affect on how they treat those things. if you yourself are constantly looking at fashion magazines and find yourself talking about how horrible your body is, they will too. if you watch a lot of television or movies whose focus is on sexy looking women... whether you think they are watching or not... they are.

anna and i came up with a rather enjoyable game to play the other day. we were at russell's tennis, waiting for him to finish and had nothing to do. there in front of me was a VOGUE magazine. so i picked it up and started thumbing through it. it wasn't long before i noticed anna over my shoulder. immediately my sensors blared an alarm.

"hey anna.. look at this poor model... she's so so skinny."

"yeah, she looks kind of sick."

"dude... it's just cause she needs a burger... will someone give that poor girl a burger? look, it's written all over her face. that pout she's making is saying 'please... i need french fries."

"look at that one... she's asking for pizza."

and on and on we went, coming up with the types of food that each girl should eat so she wouldn't look so sick.

more than anything, i pray i can keep my own self-image in line... so that when i do have my own girls, i can be a fantastic example of how to truly love who you are.

so instead of turning over every magazine i see in the grocery store, that has someone dressed inappropriately or threaten to burn all the bratz dolls on the planet... my plan of attack is in the positive reinforcement. in the positive ways i see myself. in the positive ways i treat food and fashion. and hopefully, the girls i have will do the same!

WHAT IF...


we all just said what we were thinking all the time... true, honest communication in its rawest form?


my little brother really did take my advice and do stand up comedy?


it actually stopped raining for more than three days at a time?


mary and i really did get our acts together and put on a play?


i did get this job?


i really trusted in God all the time about every last problem in my life?


i were to dye my hair black? seriously, would that be a bad thing?


if like were really like a musical and whenever you were having a climactic moment, you would start singing and everyone would join in complete with choreography and harmony?


i didn't think lame things were funny?


i took things more seriously?


there were a test to see if you were a stupid driver, and if you didn't pass you were given a free bus pass for the rest of your life?


i didn't have the haight family in my life?


i didn't have the friends i do?


i were closer to my grandma?


eating loads of chocolate never showed up around the waistline?


i never needed to ask, WHAT IF?

IF I CAN LEARN TO LIKE RUNNING... I CAN DO ANYTHING!

so i've started running... wait... before you say "way to go" or "wow, good for you" don't. really, it's okay. i don't need it. i hate running and pretty much always have.

the other day i was driving down the charles river and i looked over and thought... this would be a great day to run. so i did. i threw my ipod on and ran like a mad-woman. it felt awesome. and i thought to myself: "i'm gonna do this again." even though i know how much i hate it. and so i have... done it again. and each time i think to myself... MAN I HATE THIS!!!

i have always liked exercise. i've been a dancer, cyclist, swimmer, hiker, skier... these are the sports which i could do all day long and never tire or get bored of. but running. running is: painful, hard on my joints, monotonous and just plain dumb.

wait! lest ye get your running shorts in a twist. i think it's marvelous that people can do it! like i've said before, i ALWAYS cry watching the boston marathon. it's just amazing to me that people can overcome so much adversity- in the terrain and their minds- and just run.

and this now brings me to the epiphany i had as i was running along the illustrious river today. i noticed how quickly i wanted to give up. the first mile was okay... i'm not totally out of shape... but then as i turned onto the mass ave. bridge, the shooting pain in my leg reminded me that my back is in serious need of an adjustment. my body began to tighten as did my lungs and calves and i thought... "why in the world am i doing this? this hurts. my face is a red fire engine (thanks to my scottish decent) i'm not enjoying this... whaa whaa whaa."

then something dawned on me. what if this is just like any other mental barrier? like those old horrible habits that we cling to that keep us making wrong choices. what if there is a point, where if i persevere, i could actually LIKE maybe even LOVE to run. but this is the test. to run- even when you hate it. even when you could think of 10,000 other things you could be doing with your time. and like all of those horrible habits that need to be tested to see if we change... maybe i just need to keep going... keeping looking forward.

so, even though my muscles were screaming at me, my hip bone done for the day, and my mind ready to buckle... i kept running. i did what anyone else would do... i made small goals. i would pick tree and commit to running... just to that tree. then once there, i would realize that i wasn't dead yet and could go just a little bit longer and pick another tree. ah... mind games... gotta love em. but they work. and this is why: looking too much at a BIG PICTURE will always feel daunting. focusing on the small things that we can control, feels just right and we KNOW we can at least do that little thing.

same with all of the other "stuff" i am working to overcome in my life. one tree at a time!



AND NOW FOR A RUNNING SUB-POST

things i thought to myself on my run today:

+ i wonder if those window washers up on that HUGE skyscraper get paid by the hour or by the window and what kind of health insurance do they have

+ this shot from under the longfellow bridge is chalk full of beautiful texture that would look amazing in b&w... note to self... bring a camera one day

+ look at that cute grandpa taking his grand baby for a walk... how sweet... either that or he is a kidnapper (STOP you horribly cynical, watch too much tv brain... it's not funny)

+ hey you dumb dude... the light turned green... stop staring at me in my ugly position trying to stretch out my hip bone and get on with it... show's over

+ that pile of dog poop (yes i just said dog poop) reminds me of that one time i took my friend doug's dog for a walk in chicago and forgot to bring a plastic bag to clean up after him and he pooped on someone's front walk and so he and i ran to the next street over before we got caught

+ i hate this

+ i wonder if that guy will give me a ride back to my car

+ oh look sailing! i wanna go sailing!!!

+ shoot... i forgot to plug the meter with quarters before i left. please bless i didn't get a ticket or worse... a boot... i don't think i've paid those cambridge tickets yet!!! drats! hopefully i can run faster than the meter lady in the tight blue pants.

+ speaking of parking tickets... remember utah? free parking lots? and street parking all for you... without worry.