IT's FRIDAY AND FREAKING BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE !!!

this post is dedicated to my boss charles- without him there would be no laughter in children's theater!

NO, NO A THOUSAND TIMES NO!


recently i have been introduced to a remarkable woman with an amazing story of how she took all her talents in the world and without any 'formal training' in what she now does, became a pretty respected individual in her field. hearing her story inspired me.

she also led me to her blog DARE TO DREAM a website designed to inspire women to reach a little farther and obtain the goals they were sent here to do! and every day i *run over there to see what new inspiration she's cooked up for the day.

her latest blog has especially taught me a lot about myself. it's a lesson i only recently discovered i needed to learn. how to say NO!

i know that sounds really dumb... of course that should be an easy thing to say... but it's not.

those of you that know me know that i am constantly"on the go." my roommates are surprised when they see me at home, eating dinner, resting??? is it really you?

granted i work a lot... but then there's that other part of me. the part of me that doesn't know how to say no. the one that seeks for validation by being "needed" by others. it's camouflaged in the well-meaning admonition to serve others. but me... yeah i take this whole "do everything" attitude to a whole new unhealthy level!

+ the missionaries just called and need me to do this or that- sure
+ a friend had a bad day and could really use a friend- okay after the missionaries- i'm all yours
+ hey don't forget to pick up that one book for our thing tomorrow because i can't do it myself- yeah no problem
+ ummm can you come in early to work today so we can get the one thing done- right-o! i will be there with bells on.
+ i was wondering...- absolutely! whatever you need me to do! i'm your gal!

by the end of each week i take a mental tally of all the things i actually accomplished for myself and it turns out-- am so the under-dog in my own life. and it's no one's fault but my own.

in whitney's blog she references a book "The Power of a Positive No" written by William Ury. i am taking this incredibly insightful excerpt directly from whitney's blog:

I learned...[the importance of saying no] early on in my career from the...extraordinarily successful investor Warren Buffett. Over breakfast one day, he confided in me that the secret to creating his fortune was his ability to say No. "I sit there and look at investment proposals all day. I say No, No, No No, No, No--until I see one that is exactly what I am looking for. And then I say Yes. All I have to do is say Yes a few times in my life and I've made my fortune." Every important Yes requires a thousand Nos.


so onward-ho. let's learn how to say 'no' together, shall we? saying yes, when it works for us- when it's healthy and balanced to do so. saying no when it's important to manage my own life. my own self.

is anyone as bad at this as i am???

MY MAGIC FEATHER

i was talking to a friend last night and we were discussing the topic of confidence. she relayed a story to me that had more of an impact on me than she probably realized.

my friend attended a workshop or a show of some sort (okay so i don't remember the specifics) of a local story-teller. at one point the story teller said that he needed some audience participation and asked for someone that was really smart and said

"a 6 year old... i need a 6 year old... they are smarter than anyone else in the room."

an awkward silence followed.

"what you don't believe me that a 6 year-old is smarter than any adult in the room? well then with a show of hands... how many 6 year-olds out there think they can draw?"

all of the hands of the children shot in the air.

"okay, now for the adults... how many adults out there think they can draw?"

a few smattering of hands measly lifted into the air.

"ahhh... you see... i told you that 6 year-olds are smarter. they haven't let themselves be fooled into thinking that they can't do anything they want to."

and isn't it true? in my starving artist blog, a few posts back, i talked about confidence and how when i was younger the sky was the limit baby. i could do and be anything i wanted to.

so what's changed?

my ability to do those things never once changed but my perception of whether i could do them or not, did.

i've been thinking a lot about how to change that. i think i have come up with one really great solution as so how.

my good friends.

i have always been blessed to have good friends... through all walks of life. i am a lucky girl. so lately i have tried to listen to them instead of my fears when they tell me i can do something. it's in their words that i find the confidence to step out into the darkness and succeed.

i may not always believe them... but i have found it's easier to believe them than to listen to the stinking stupid dummy voices in my head! i'm like dumbo standing at the top of the circus tent with my little feather that my friends gave me... praying with all my might that they were right all along...

UPDATE #1


so it's been 1 week since i last blogged about the attempt at losing 10 pounds. i know that doesn't sound like a lot of weight to be complaining about... it's just that i want to gain control of my bad eating patterns BEFORE it's more like 40 pounds... you know???


MY PLAN: eat better and exercise more... no diet... no EXTREME measure to lose the weight... no cut out all sugar-- i NEVER would have followed through with that!

just seeking balance and better choices.


THIS WEEK: i give myself an A+ i did really well in following the plan... not perfect mind you... but really well... and that makes me happy.


WHAT I DID GOOD:
+ mom you will be so happy to hear that i am on my 7th day of taking a multi-vitamin EVERY MORNING... you were right... i do feel better! (for those of you that know me... you will know how extremely hard this one is for me...i HATE taking pills!!!)

+ i have replaced my daily bottle of diet coke with a 1 pint bottle of water that i refill at least once a day... that's 15.4 ounces of water (at least)... every day! and i still have diet coke! remember i'm not taking things away from myself... no punishment necessary... but the more water i drink the less diet coke i drink! tah-da!

+ i have also had A TON more fruits and veggies this week... choosing fruit i purchased at the haymarket for breakfast and salads and soups for lunch, over other options.

[a quick note of interest: i read this article where i learned that you actually need a small amount of fat in your salad dressing because certain important nutrients in green lettuce are actually fat soluble... so in order to get them into your system... you need the fat to help it do that. however, this doesn't give me license to pour on the fatty dressing either... but light dressing tastes just as good and helps me out! read the article here]

+ the snack at my desk all week has been corn chips and sometimes salsa. this is a HUGE improvement from my bags of cadbury mini eggs or box of mike n ikes. i have also told myself that i get 1 snack at my desk a day... it's at 3pm. it gives me something to look forward to... especially when the afternoon bore sets in!

+ eating dessert has been more moderate as well. i choose 1 thing and try to make it only one thing. instead of having an entire box or bag of something at my disposal... i give my will-power a break and just buy one small pack of something or one candy bar or something like that. again... a major improvement!

ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT:
+ just like i knew it would be, exercise has been the hardest thing to incorporate into my schedule and into my brain. i did go on one really good walk/run last week and one very mild walk on sunday. i also did pilates this week... only once (although the plan is to do it tonight too). so i did do SOME and yes i am feeling good about that... i still feel like i could be more stick-to-it.

+ i did have one REALLY BAD CHOICE day where absolutely no exercise was done AND all i had to eat was pizza and cinnamon sticks from papa johns (my new sinful delight). granted... i did have a friend who had had a really bad day come over and so OF COURSE we had comfort food. and even though i didn't need the comfort... i still ate the comfort food like i did! so the improvement part is to stick to my plan even when i convince myself otherwise... even when others are eating differently. AND THAT's HARD TO DO!!!

TO DO LIST:
+ stick to my same good eating patterns

+pilates tonight and one other time this week... and walk/running twice as well.

SOMEHOW...


i got this song in my head. so i checked out the music video. john parr is my new boyfriend!

a) john parr's hairstyle resembles pretty much every woman i went to church with growing up... most of them probably still have this hairstyle today.

b) about halfway through the video john parr is walking alone looking very sexy at the camera-- CREEPY!!! seriously gave me the creeps.

c) at the end-- YES WATCH TIL THE END-- the best part is just how awkward all of the actors from the movie look interacting with john parr... especially rob lowe... it kills me!

enjoy!


=

EDIT AND DELETE~


sometimes, when i have nothing better to do (ha- when is that???) i read past entries... and i am so appalled by my editorial mistakes that i am inches away from spending the next year just sitting at my desk correcting them!

i can't believe how many times i find things like the word YOUR mistakenly used for YOU ARE... or a run-on sentence that rivals a jack gantos novel! it's sick i tell you!

although i never professed to be a writer-- story-teller maybe-- skilled writer, not even close! but that doesn't mean that i don't cringe every time i see a big mama of a mistake out there for all to see-- i still have a little pride that doesn't want people to think i am that in need of an english 101 class. meh- maybe i am and i'm just delusional!

well it's okay their seems to be the write way to do thing's and a wrong way- its all a matter of how won looks at it-- write???

i think i just need to hire a personal editor for future posts-- anyone game for the job?

mmm... PANCAKES!

this morning on my way to work i craved pancakes something fierce! i even started salivating as i imagined myself showing up to work with an electric griddle, a spatula, a box of pancake mix and syrup. i am so doing that one day!

then, of course because this is how my brain works, i started filtering through the words that had come up-- thinking:

pancake mix-- yeah that one i bought the other day is really good. i should have pancakes for dinner tonight

syrup-- oh but don't forget to stop at the store and get more mrs. butterworth... oh and maybe some turkey sausage links too... YES!

griddle- oh it's too bad that i don't have a griddle. that reminds me of a story (doesn't everything remind me of a story??) yeah COPPERTON PARK!

do i have to coolest parents or what-- check this out:

every so often, usually on a really early saturday morning in the summer, my parents would pack us in the car with loads of food and drive 20 minutes up bingham canyon to copperton park (located on the west side of utah valley).

situated in the heart of the town was copperton park, with fantastic swings, huge tires to climb on and little fake pyramid types things that had little tunnels in them. we LOVED this park!

so we'd all pile out of the car with our bags of food, dump them on the chosen picnic table and race each other to the playground. and while we were off chasing each other down the slide or singing camp songs at the top of our lungs on the swings, my parents would cook up the BEST breakfast EVER!

cooked on the gas-lit griddle were pancakes, sausage, bacon and eggs. then we also had cut fruit and fresh orange juice. man- i pay good money to have a breakfast like that these days-- but this... this was just a typical saturday morning in our family!

i can still feel the cold morning air on my legs in shorts- i can still hear roger yelling at me to come check out something weird he found in one of the tunnels or my dad and that whistle of his to tell us that breakfast was ready. and nothing tastes quite as good when you are eating it on a splintery picnic table on paper goods surrounded by the best family ever!

ahh the memories. now i've made my cravings unbearable... dinner tonight is going to ROCK my world!