SO FAST, SO FURIOUS


be it known to all the world: i HATE taxi cabs.

wait peg, calm down and don't be so dramatic... hate is such a strong word

NO... there you are wrong! HATE is actually a great way to describe my feelings toward taxis and their drivers... LOATHE... now that would be dramatic!!! no, for real dudes...

i H...A...T...E driving on the same road as taxis... i want to abolish them all, throw tacks in their tires... smash my already ugly car into them. okay now i'm getting dramatic. but let's be honest people, not only are taxi drivers rude, but they are horrible drivers.

because of my "quasi soccer mom" profession, i am on the road about 60-75% of my day. i am driving kids to and from school, tennis, soccer, hockey, lacrosse, music, the library, hair cuts, doctor's appointments... and lest we forget our fun boston adventures. and on these lovely outings i am constantly dodging and swerving past taxis... getting cut off by them, getting slowed down by them, occasionally getting a lovely middle finger thrown at me. i risk my life and the life of all of the kids that enter my car just by sharing gravel with these insane drivers... enough is enough. i'm done with them... i am fed up... i am furious.

so, when the story i'm about to share with you happened, i was filled with a sense of VICOTRY that has made my entire week.

we begin our lovely little tale of adventure on a late (or really really early morning depending on how you look at it) saturday evening, i was just getting off of work... meaing the parents had gone out that evening and i was babysitting til 1am. the road should be nice and clear which makes me happy because that cuts down my drive time from 25-ish minutes to about 15 and i SO wanted to get home and get into bed!

start your engines people and please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times:

i passed beth israel hospital in a breeze... only to get cut off by 3 taxis on boylston, just in front of fenway park. the first one was in the left lane and did a quick cut to get into the gas station on the right side of the road. the second one who was put-putting along in front of me, unexpectedly slammed on its breaks to pick up a couple coming out of a bar. and the third and final moron was coming up the other direction, saw some people trying to flag down a cab, did a HUGE, ILLEGAL u-turn right in front of me causing me to slam on my breaks or die and screeched to a stop just in time to get the people before another taxi could get to them. these guys were out for blood!

nevertheless, i was still making good time, even if i wasn't going to get home alive, at least i would do it sooner rather than later. so i jump onto storrow drive and now i'm really cooking. 60 miles per hour and i'm feeling fine... wait a minute... what do i see? NOOOOO!!!! BRAKE LIGHTS AHEAD!!!! ahhh man... i thought they finished THE BIG DIG.... crap... it's now 1:15 and i really, really want my bed. it's stinking one a.m. people and i am stuck in traffic. and looking around it's me and about 80 taxis with a few other cars, trucks and vans all peppered in there... just for variety. but truly it looks like chaos because all of these taxis are cutting people off and honking and yelling to push their way past everyone else... ugh I HATE ALL OF YOU!

i FINALLY make my way OUT of the dumb backed-up traffic and reach the mcgrath highway. okay, so now i should really be getting somewhere. i finally get to the stop light near the superior nut company, the final stretch, and i am getting so antsy. the light turns green and i begin to speed along. but wait... what is all of this. i notice that there are 3 taxis speeding along, cutting each other off and changing lanes abruptly to get ahead... and driving way too fast along the curvy road. it started to freak me out that i was behind them. if they crashed there would be nowhere for me to go and i would be a part of this mayhem. so at one point i see my chance and i make a break for it... speeding right past all three cabs. phew, now at least if they crash they will be in my dust trail and i won't have to worry about getting killed. but then i look into my rearview mirror and see all three cabs closing the distance and STILL cutting each other off and now we are approaching the highland ave turn off.

for those who have never seen the highland ave turn off from mcgrath, let me do my best to explain. mcgrath eventually comes to a Y in the road. you can either stay to the right to stay on mcgrath OR you can turn at the light to the left and be taken to another Y (very very soon after the light) where if you go to the right you will be on medford street and if you go to the left you will be on highland. at the first light (the one turing off mcgrath) there are two turn lanes... ideally, if you want to go to medford you are in the right turn lane and so forth... however, i have seen many a people get in the right turn lane, only to cut the people off in the left lane to get onto highland. jerks. okay, honestly... i've done it before.

now, it has been my experience with taxis, that they like to drag highland ave looking for potential customers coming home from a bar... however, so that they can see the "meat" they drive EXTRA slow... and i just was NOT in the mood to be stuck behind a slow cab because now it's 1:30 and i REALLY want to kill someone.

so there we were, at the light and i'm in the left lane... ready to turn off onto highland. i look to my right and see rude taxi man, inching his way forward, just a bit. i squint my eyes like dirty harry. i know what you're up to rude taxi man and don't go thinking your gonna get away with it either. i slowly slide my right hand down to the gear shift, click the over-drive button off (i LOVE this feature of my car), slide my hand back up to its original position on the steering wheel and tighten my grip. my foot comes off the brake, just a little and i inch forward... just to let the guy know that i'm not letting him get through... then apply the brake. then he inches forward... as if to test me. OH, it's on dude... BRING IT! i clinch my jaw, tighten my grip even more and begin to focus on the other lights... once the lights for the other direction turn yellow i begin to get my foot ready. i can hear my heart beating and a little bead of sweat trickles down my brow.

on your mark... get set... GREEN LIGHT and i peel off like i've never before. my car jolts forward and all of my papers in the front console spill to the ground. the smell of burnt rubber is in my nostrils now. i look to my right, rude taxi man is almost head to head with me... but i beat him off the line, so my nose is slightly ahead of his. then comes the Y and rude taxi man has no choice... he slams on his brakes and makes a quick cut behind me...

YES!!!!

i can hear the crowds cheering. I WON... I BEAT RUDE TAXI MAN... VICTORY IS MINE. I AM THE CHAMPION MY FRIENDS... AND I'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING, TIL THE END!

and what made that moment even more blissful is that rude taxi man got stopped by the next light that turned red just as he approached the line.

off i zoomed... to home... to freedom!

i know that i will never be able to rid the world of all the rude taxi men out there. but this one victory is all i needed to keep me from going postal, for just a few more days anyway.