WHAT IF...


we all just said what we were thinking all the time... true, honest communication in its rawest form?


my little brother really did take my advice and do stand up comedy?


it actually stopped raining for more than three days at a time?


mary and i really did get our acts together and put on a play?


i did get this job?


i really trusted in God all the time about every last problem in my life?


i were to dye my hair black? seriously, would that be a bad thing?


if like were really like a musical and whenever you were having a climactic moment, you would start singing and everyone would join in complete with choreography and harmony?


i didn't think lame things were funny?


i took things more seriously?


there were a test to see if you were a stupid driver, and if you didn't pass you were given a free bus pass for the rest of your life?


i didn't have the haight family in my life?


i didn't have the friends i do?


i were closer to my grandma?


eating loads of chocolate never showed up around the waistline?


i never needed to ask, WHAT IF?

IF I CAN LEARN TO LIKE RUNNING... I CAN DO ANYTHING!

so i've started running... wait... before you say "way to go" or "wow, good for you" don't. really, it's okay. i don't need it. i hate running and pretty much always have.

the other day i was driving down the charles river and i looked over and thought... this would be a great day to run. so i did. i threw my ipod on and ran like a mad-woman. it felt awesome. and i thought to myself: "i'm gonna do this again." even though i know how much i hate it. and so i have... done it again. and each time i think to myself... MAN I HATE THIS!!!

i have always liked exercise. i've been a dancer, cyclist, swimmer, hiker, skier... these are the sports which i could do all day long and never tire or get bored of. but running. running is: painful, hard on my joints, monotonous and just plain dumb.

wait! lest ye get your running shorts in a twist. i think it's marvelous that people can do it! like i've said before, i ALWAYS cry watching the boston marathon. it's just amazing to me that people can overcome so much adversity- in the terrain and their minds- and just run.

and this now brings me to the epiphany i had as i was running along the illustrious river today. i noticed how quickly i wanted to give up. the first mile was okay... i'm not totally out of shape... but then as i turned onto the mass ave. bridge, the shooting pain in my leg reminded me that my back is in serious need of an adjustment. my body began to tighten as did my lungs and calves and i thought... "why in the world am i doing this? this hurts. my face is a red fire engine (thanks to my scottish decent) i'm not enjoying this... whaa whaa whaa."

then something dawned on me. what if this is just like any other mental barrier? like those old horrible habits that we cling to that keep us making wrong choices. what if there is a point, where if i persevere, i could actually LIKE maybe even LOVE to run. but this is the test. to run- even when you hate it. even when you could think of 10,000 other things you could be doing with your time. and like all of those horrible habits that need to be tested to see if we change... maybe i just need to keep going... keeping looking forward.

so, even though my muscles were screaming at me, my hip bone done for the day, and my mind ready to buckle... i kept running. i did what anyone else would do... i made small goals. i would pick tree and commit to running... just to that tree. then once there, i would realize that i wasn't dead yet and could go just a little bit longer and pick another tree. ah... mind games... gotta love em. but they work. and this is why: looking too much at a BIG PICTURE will always feel daunting. focusing on the small things that we can control, feels just right and we KNOW we can at least do that little thing.

same with all of the other "stuff" i am working to overcome in my life. one tree at a time!



AND NOW FOR A RUNNING SUB-POST

things i thought to myself on my run today:

+ i wonder if those window washers up on that HUGE skyscraper get paid by the hour or by the window and what kind of health insurance do they have

+ this shot from under the longfellow bridge is chalk full of beautiful texture that would look amazing in b&w... note to self... bring a camera one day

+ look at that cute grandpa taking his grand baby for a walk... how sweet... either that or he is a kidnapper (STOP you horribly cynical, watch too much tv brain... it's not funny)

+ hey you dumb dude... the light turned green... stop staring at me in my ugly position trying to stretch out my hip bone and get on with it... show's over

+ that pile of dog poop (yes i just said dog poop) reminds me of that one time i took my friend doug's dog for a walk in chicago and forgot to bring a plastic bag to clean up after him and he pooped on someone's front walk and so he and i ran to the next street over before we got caught

+ i hate this

+ i wonder if that guy will give me a ride back to my car

+ oh look sailing! i wanna go sailing!!!

+ shoot... i forgot to plug the meter with quarters before i left. please bless i didn't get a ticket or worse... a boot... i don't think i've paid those cambridge tickets yet!!! drats! hopefully i can run faster than the meter lady in the tight blue pants.

+ speaking of parking tickets... remember utah? free parking lots? and street parking all for you... without worry.

A NEW DEFINITION OF BRAVERY

bravery is looking at your mortality right in the face and deciding that if it's the Lord's will, you won't complain, even if it means leaving behind a wife you adore

bravery is knowing that your Heavenly Father loves you, even when your muscles are so weak and atrophied that you have to endure countless hours of painful rehab and therapy just to learn how feed yourself or walk again

bravery is saying "i love you" to a crying friend who is miles and miles away, so that she knows you are okay, even though there are lesions throughout your mouth and throat and it hurts to talk more than anything on this planet

bravery is seeing wisdom in trials such as these, because you know it is bringing your family closer to God... and if that's the only reason you needed to go through them... you would do it again.

bravery has been forever redefined for me by my dear friends scott morgan and his wife tammy.

when i first met this 6'2" burly yet jovial man, i was a young girl, just starting out my career as an actress. scott intimidated me at first. not only was he large in stature and had a booming charismatic voice... but his presence took you in and filled an entire room. when he laughed his face would turn red and the sound would resonate wherever we were (it always reminded me of the jolly green giant's laugh... and i would lovingly tell him this). the better i knew him, the more i loved being around him. scott brought things to life in such a unique way and taught me a lot.

the most important lesson he ever shared with me, was that of his journey back to God. never has some one's testimony been so beautiful yet powerful at the same time. he had spent most of his twenties and early thirties being a fun-loving, albeit rebellious guy. the world was his to command and explore. and explore he did.

then one day as he was performing as the ghost of christmas present in a production of "a christmas carol," like any other night, he was calling scrooge to repentance for his misdeeds. in that moment, he felt as though he were speaking to himself... as if someone else had taken over the job of talking. he knew it was time to find God again.

his story and testimony of that long journey back is so amazing, one only he could tell himself. but i remember the day he was telling me. we had just finished rehearsal on the show we were in together and he and i stayed late, talking. he said "i just kept praying that it didn't matter what i had in this life, or if i was ever going to get married or fall in love, it didn't matter. as long as i could be with Him again... it just didn't matter."

only one year passed before he was engaged to one of our dearest and sweetest friends tammy, who had been working at the theater for several years, in the office and the shows. she had known scott through his rebellion and loved him all the more for where he stood, some years later. to date, they remain one of the cutest couples i have ever met and they have enjoyed 7+ years of marriage.

just before calling scott, i had pondered on the things tammy had just told me. how scott had been severely ill since january. virus onto pneumonia onto bacteria onto virus. the horrible monster in his body nearly claiming his life several times over the last 4 months. how despite all of this, they were okay, he was okay and they had a testimony of our Father in Heaven's love, even more so today. she didn't lie to me either. she told me it had been hard. but in those hard moments there had been peace.

next was my conversation with scott. it was brief. his speech was not more than a mumble for the swelling in his mouth. he was weak and you could hear it over the phone. but he was happy to be talking to me. he told me he was better; two weeks prior he was ready to tell them to make funeral arrangements. then we talked about past shows we had been in and you could hear his old sparkle come back when he spoke of doing one show in particular again. this was such a humbling conversation to have. we talked about his family coming closer to God and recommitting and said that if that was his only purpose to this trial... he would do it all again. i began to cry and his sweet voice was so quiet and faint... "i love you."

as i hung up the phone and sat in my car for a time, i felt so blessed to have such amazing friends who not only talk about being servants of God, but who live it every day through their example. who, when faced with hardships, don't blame God or get mad at Him for their struggle... but who praise him for his mercy. who see the wisdom in all things. this is what being brave is.

THE ACTIVITY BOX

so i'm poor right now. after paying a lot of schmoo in taxes, my pocketbook is like unto a barren wasteland. look, there goes another tumbleweed right now!

so i was talking to a dearest of my dear friends last night about how low fundage and adventure seem to be tied too closely together and she suggested that we really should be finding adventure in non-moola ways. there is much fun to be had if one uses the old noodle for more than book work. right? so she began throwing out these random ideas that sound like WAY MUCH FUN... such as...

+ going to the goodwill and taking pics of each other wearing randoms

+ doing a people scavenger hunt in the airport-- looking for mullets and such

as she continued on, a vague memory began to take its form in my head (these days it's so hard to do!!) and i remembered THE ACTIVITY BOX from my childhood.

as a child growing up in the fields of SO JO UTAH, there were two things to do in the summertime. go to the local pool and swim... and i forgot what the other one was.

i didn't grow up like some of the kids out here do... filled to the brim with camps and sports and month-long vacations in maine or florida. sure the old fam occasionally squeezed all 5 kids and a wheelchair into the back of the wood-paneled station wagon and drove to CA or the like for a week... but that still left us with weeks and weeks of hot, long days and downtime.

the idea was surely born of frustration of a mother who's only duty, in our pea-brains, was to entertain us at all times. she must have cringed every time one of us would enter the kitchen or her bedroom with a look of doom written all over our dirt-covered faces. the whine would start low in the diaphragm and work it's way slowly into the very nasally part of the nasal cavity... "i'mmmmm boooooorrrrreeeeddddd. there's nothing to do!!!" followed by the biggest pout known to man.

so one day for FHE, my mom brought out a special box. wrapped in blue wrapping paper with little white flowers (yes i can still remember what it looked like) and big hand drawn and cut bubble letters spelling the two words that would be forever imprinted in my mind- ACTIVITY BOX. it was my mother's only line of defense in those long-drawn out summer days. it shielded her from the pressure and probably shielded us from the wrath of a woman who had been beaten down from the many repeated requests for things to do.

my mother gently explained that the box was filled with all sorts of activities we could do and that whenever a child, guilty of whining of boredom, approached my mother... they would be referred to this little blue box that sat next to the microwave in the kitchen.

it worked like a charm. we were excited to see what our little blue fortune teller had in store for us. oh, the endless possibilities!!! of course, i do have to admit to cheating and trying for another activity, whenever i would pull a slip that suggested that i pull 100 weeds from the garden or clean out the shed. NO THANKS! but then there were those activities that sparked the imagination and gave way to creativity or a burst of adventure.

activities like-
+ go on a nature walk and write a page about three interesting things you saw

+ wash the station wagon (i loved washing the cars)

+ start a lemonade stand

+ make a pretend library

oh the memories... oh how i wish life were still so simple. although with very little money and a little creativity, i guess it still could be.

so there is it my friends... the reinstatement of the activity box. no more whining that i will be bored if i don't have the funds to play. let's play any way.

so if you wanna play too, you have to add a few suggestions to add to the ACTIVITY BOX!

I'VE DECIDED...



+ dudes with guitars are really really attractive

+ i've wasted a lot of time being self involved

+ anna is the funniest girl i know

+ sleep is good

+ moving to london sounds awesome

+ life is interesting, confusing and really fun

+ the red sox are going to win this year

+ paying taxes isn't fun... duh!

+ 2 strikes... 2!!!

+ laughing when i'm all by myself rocks! crazy? maybe.

+ being predictable is boring

+ burger king is really good for the soul sometimes

+ i'm going to miss my home teacher... love you michael!

+ i really LOVE my new pink phone

+ i'm not going to be ashamed that watching the boston marathon always makes me cry

+ the ward talent show is going to rock!!!

+ sleep is good... oh wait... i already said that!

ANOTHER AMAZING FRIEND DOING AMAZING THINGS

my good friend CHRISTY, who lives here in boston, served a mission for the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Ecuador. like many missionaries who serve in a third world country, she was profoundly affected by the poverty she was witness to every day. after years of hard work and a lot of phone calls, christy and a few other amazing women she served with, officially started their very own non-profit org, raising money to send ecudaorian children to school.

last night, i attended a ROCKTASTIC fund-raiser and got to see one of the hottest men to grace the screen fight bad guys and get the girl. open shirts and using a whip like he was born to do it... ha cha cha!!! i love you, harrison!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i want to extend the invitation to help, much farther than the somerville theater in davis square. if you feel like you can help, please use the following information to contribute what you can!

www.humanitycorps.org

Public school isn't free, even if you're in the third grade. In Ecuador, as in many developing countries, the cost of a basic education is sometimes too much for struggling families. Humanity Corps provides scholarships to Ecuadorian kids who would otherwise drop out. We just don't think a third grader should have to worry about how her family will pay for her to go to the fourth grade.

For the past three years, Humanity Corps has provided kids the opportunity to continue their studies. Each child receives a scholarship covering

• Annual Tuition
• Uniform
• School Books and Supplies
• Workshops and Family Intervention

Would you like to help?

An annual scholarship is $135 per student, but every amount helps. Donations are accepted online at the link above or by mailing a check payable to

Humanity Corps

6628 East Omega Street

Mesa, AZ 85215

CAN YOU TELL IF THIS PERSON'S A GIRL OR A GUY???

thanks SNL for the great laugh

children's programming rocks!!!

OPENING DAY!!!


RED SOX, RED SOX
HOW I LOVE TO WATCH YOU PLAY
WE KICKED SOME ACE
MARINERS DISGRACE
THE 8TH INNING MADE MY ENTIRE DAY

RED SOX, RED SOX
CAN'T WAIT TO CHEER YOU LIVE, MY FRIENDS
WILL EAT A FOOTLONG
DIET COKE TO STAY STRONG
MATSUZAKA WILL BE GOOD IN THE END

RED SOX, RED SOX
DON'T FORGET IT'S OUR YEAR AGAIN
LONG SEASON AHEAD
BUT WE ARE TRUE RED
THIS IS HOW BASEBALL IS PLAYED BY REAL MEN!

TO TELL A GOOD JOKE

russ: peggy, i want to tell you a joke

peggy: okay, go ahead

russ: say fork five times

peggy: fork, fork, fork, fork, fork

russ: say fork three times

peggy: fork, fork, fork

russ: say fork six times

peggy: fork, fork, fork, fork, fork, fork

russ: say it two times

peggy: fork, fork

russ: what do you eat soup with

peggy: a for... oh russ! you got me... i almost said fork.. trickster!

russ: okay... now... umm... will you remember me in sixty years?

peggy: sure

russ: will you remember me in 10 years?

peggy: no

russ: PEGGY!!!

peggy: okay, fine... yes... i will remember you.

russ: peggy, will you remember me when i am... no i mean in a few years?

peggy: yes i will

russ: okay well, will you remember me in a little while?

peggy: yup

russ: um... okay... well... knock, knock

peggy: who's there

russ: [long pause... visible struggle on his face]... um... er... aren't you glad i didn't say fork?

peggy: YES RUSSELL... I AM SO GLAD YOU DIDN'T SAY FORK!!! LOL


and THAT ladies and gents... is how a good joke is told!!!

MY NEW CRUSH!

just discovered this band over the weekend and i'm in love.


KOOKS

QUOTE OF A LIFETIME

Try as hard as we may for perfection, the net result of our labors is an amazing variety of imperfectness. We are surprised at our own versatility in being able to fail in so many different ways.

~ SAMUEL McCHORD CROTHERS

A LITTLE CATCHING UP TO DO!

i've been a little behind in posting some rather eagerly awaited pics.

perfect for a fridee post!

this is what 8 hours of general conference will do to a kid

poor jackson!

imagine my surprise when i walked out to my car yesterday morning

to see a new little "treasure" placed ever so conspicuously on the back of my dirty old man

only one person came to mind- INSTANTLY

dude- you are so going to get yours!!!

CALIFORNIA LOVE!

first off: shelby was only 5 months old when i first met her... now she is 9!

9 people- crap!

these kids are so so so AWESOME!

joining the webkinz craze on the left-coast!

lori and i soaking in the sun

okay fine- she was soaking in the sun while my body was busy rejecting it

i don't tan people... i freckle!

the rollerskating birthday party!

these two fantastic women took me to see

JERSEY BOYS

in san fransisco... LOVED IT!

a show about franki valli and the four seasons

is not complete without a milk-shake or two... or three... or well... you get the point

shelby and her pony deja- yes she has her own pony

i know- this actually happens to people in real life

they get a pony for their birthday!

mitch and pete- goofing off and chillaxin'
new doggie- likes to lick- yucky dog slobber
ahhhh--- yesssss-- my precious, precious jamba

MANUEL's TORTILLAS

winner of the best cup art award goes to:
none other than
MARIE!!!


winners of the best use of flour goes to:

three of the hottest girls i know!

winner of the best adaptation of a homemade tortilla goes to:

JULIE!!!

(are you supposed to be the elephant man???)

winner of the best balance on the BALL goes to:

MICHAEL

(an extra 10 points for great flare)

ME THE SHEEP

okay so i did it too- cause everyone else did it-- YES I WOULD JUMP!!!

ipod shuffle song = meaning in each category



opening credits: TURN ON ME- the shins
“adults just learn to play ridiculously repulsive games.”
please don't make me grow up!!!


waking up: RUN- snow patrol
“as if you have a choice”
i like sleepy


first day at school: E-BOW THE LETTER- r.e.m.
“all the boys and all the girls, sweet-toothed an each one a little scary”
school was scary for me... kids scared me


falling in love: ONE- u2
“one love, one life, when it's one need in the night one love we get to share it, leaves you baby if you don't care for it”
hmm... interesting


fight song: HOLDING OUT FOR A HERO- frou frou
“he's gotta be strong and he's gotta be fast and he's gotta be fresh from the fight”
i like my men to do the fighting for me!


the breakup: ROSIE'S LULLABY- norah jones
“the waves are crashing, but not making a sound”
breaking up does feel like this- they are the crashing waves in your head that no one else can hear.


prom: FEELIN' LOVE- paula cole
“you make me feel like splendor in the grass where we're rollin”
ahhh prom


life is ok: DUSK AND SUMMER- dashboard confessional
“she smiled in a big way, the way a girl like that smiles”
this couldn't be more true- wanna see me at my happiest- take me some place special at dusk in the summertime.


mental breakdown: I DON'T FEEL LIKE DANCING- scissor sisters
“you think that i could muster up a little soft-shoe gentle sway”
you know i'm having a mental breakdown, when i don't feel like dancing!!


driving: I CAN'T STAND THE RAIN- tina turner
“i can't stand the rain against my window”
sing it tina- this is so true- i hate driving in the rain!!!


inner smile: WON'T LET YOU DOWN- keith urban
“you'll never wonder if i care, i'll always be there”
family and true friends are my inner smile- cheesy but true


flashback: DROWNING MAN- u2
“these winds and tides, this change of times”
any U2 is a total flashback for me!


getting back together: REASONS- earth, wind and fire
“reasons that we hear, reasons that we fear, that our feelings won't disappear”
um- this speaks for itself


wedding: ENTERLUDE- the killers
“outside the sun is shining, it seems like heaven ain't far away”
good stuff- my wedding already sounds like fun, no?


birth of a child: CINEMA PARADISO: NASTALGIA- ennio morricone (yo yo ma)
this song is just beautiful, as will be the day i have my first baby.


final battle: BULLET THE BLUE SKY- u2
“you plant a demon seed, you raise a flower of fire”
this song is definitely angry enough to be a final battle song!


death scene: MAYBE THIS TIME- ok go
“don't you think that maybe this time you were wrong”
i'm wrong all the time- it won't surprise me when i die- i'll be wrong about that too


funeral: CHRISTMASTIME IS HERE- sarah mclachlan
“oh that we could always see, such spirit through the year”
that's right people... i'm gonna stick around and be an annoying spirit... through the whole year!!