PRIORITIES


so this is the last post for me... at least for a time. it's been a fun year of telling my crazy anecdotes and sharing human weakness with y'all out there.

i've come to realize, in the past little while, that while i have grown a lot over the past year, i am still light-years away from being where i need to be. so i sat down and decided to re-prioritize some things in my life and unfortunately, my fun little creative outlet didn't make the cut.

this last year has meant so much to me... all of the heartache, the pain, the laughter, the craziness that is me. i feel like with each wave i have learned something new about myself and begun the arduous journey of learning how to change.

i have had my heart broken, my faith tested, my finances challenged, my trust in others questioned, disappointments one after the next and fears thrown in my face. i have also been lifted when i had nothing left, given peace when there was chaos, loved when i was unlovable, shared amazing moments never to be forgotten, laughter in every turn and light and understanding in my darkest day.

i can only pray that with this next year, you will find me even greater than i am. i will have learned how to let go of things that are hard to let go of, trusted even when my first instinct was to control, smiled when i felt like crying, served when i was too tired to go on and continued to make people laugh... which is what i do best.

and now, i will stop sounding like a cheesy church video and just turn off the light.

CAN I JUST SAY?


long talks with good friends late at night are so good.


2% effort is not going to yield results... if you don't have 100% to give... no biggie... but just stop the 2%


got myself my first sunburn of the season at crane's beach today! feelin' good!


traumatic moments bring the most amazing perspective


i can't begin to explain the amazingness of my friends. i am one lucky girl!


having the day off on wednesdays is like getting to have christmas once a week every week!


my most amazing sister susan is helping me go out to see my parents come home from their LDS mission. i can't tell you how blessed that makes me feel.


i can't wait to SQUISH every last baby when i get to utard!


peace of mind is different than happiness... and far more valuable.


those kids i play with every day are some of my best friends out here... laughing with them is the best part of my day!


i was a different girl when i first moved here. to look back on my progress is humbling and joyous.

CONFESSIONS OF AN IMMATURE 27-YEAR-OLD


indeed, tis true, i feel much younger than i am. but when i say much younger, i'm not talking 21... i'm talking more like 5 possibly 6... 7 if i am having an incredibly off day. it's no wonder i can play with kids all day... i am one.

you know how in movies you always see the "adults" at a dinner party with their wine and fancy clothing, sitting around discussing tolstoy or so and so's theory of beep bop boop? yeah, i don't think i could ever go to one of those, cuz i haven't fully developed into a mature, functioning adult yet.

check it: yesterday i went to a dinner with some really great people. there were fascinating new people i had never met before and i was doing my "grown up duty" of getting to know them. there was a dude there that is going to school to make violins... and really... how amazing is that?!

so, of course, we all commence in asking all of the appropriate questions that one, who is curious as to how you make a violin, would. he indulged. which by the way, did you know that violin strings used to be made out of CAT GUTS??? holy shnikes! those of you who know me, can only imagine the kind of jokes being thrown about at the expense of the poor dead cats who now"sing" classic greats like mozart. then he started talking about the G string and it was all over from there. try holding corn in your mouth when without warning he begins to pontificate on the best ways to prepare a G string-- he had to have known where that would go, right? or maybe he just isn't used to nerds like me who think all things inappropriate are funny. (by the way the dude totally rolled with the jokes... he's a good one)

but it doesn't end and begin with this story. time and time again, i am constantly having to attempt to check my "funny" at the doors of those who otherwise would not appreciate my brand of humor. (thanks to all my friends who don't make me do that!)

i'm sorry if i can't help myself but be saucy to those who take themselves to seriously... wrong... i know... but i am what i am!

there is hope though, i think i will finally reach my prime in my 60's.

LIFE CHANGING MOMENTS

hi, my name is middle-class-white-suburbia... with a limited perspective.

i can only see the world through the lens i was brought up with...

until i seek for a new one.

did you know that not all kids that grow up on the street end up drug pushers and thieves?

they may start off that way, because they have nothing else... no one else.

but there are some, with a divine purpose on earth.

to show a better way for those who otherwise would just live to survive...

not live to follow their dreams.

hip hop is for thugs, no?

hip hop is drugs, sex, misogynistic, angry.

maybe because no one is out there telling these talented artists that there is more to write about

something so much deeper and truer to who they are.

there is divinity in it... a way for these kids... who have literally grown up in hell... to speak.

last night i watched, in amazement, as one man started a wave of change.

not only change in the way these kids will write... but also live their lives.

and a change in the way others will see what is really happening on the streets and that these kids have so much more to them than what we would ever think.

it gave me a new lens.

want one yourself? go see this movie.

it's coming out on MAY 11 nationwide.

http://www.hiphopproject.com/thehiphopproject.html

for colleen

POISION

meet the BRATZ dolls.

aren't the just cute???

what with their shorter than short mini-skirts, high-heels, tons of make-up and fashion accessories.

these dolls are what countless girls play with every day. and we wonder why there are so many body issues in the world today... more so than ever before! we wonder why a 5 year old, while playing with her friends, looks into the mirror and says "i'm so fat."

meet a disney icon

fashion queen, totally cute... don't forget really thin, make-up... the nines, right?

and why not... she's in middle school and that's normal. pre-teens are coming into their own and figuring out their own style.

but did you know that the target audience for this show is 9 years old?

9 people!!!

dude at the age of nine i was running around bare-footed and ratty-haired, with whatever k-mart clothes were clean that day and not a care in the whole world about what i looked like. and never once did i think i needed to care that much either.

i work with kids every day. i look around and see the images that they are faced with on a daily basis and i find myself talking like an old grandma

"back in my day it was the smurfs, care bears and strawberry shortcake... no emphasis on fashion, just fun and imagination... life was so much simpler."

yeah and one could find themselves saying all of those things throughout all of the generations past. the fact of the matter is, it HAS gotten worse. every generation seems to push the fence just a little bit more, allowing more sex to sell, allowing the focus to be so much more on fashion and THINGS (ipods and such) be more provocative, more sexy and it will sell better than the other guys schmoo. and get them at a young age... if you can get them as a customer at the age of 10... you've got em for life!

so how do we protect the next generation of girls from being bombarded with these images? sure you can limit the amount of television watched... it does help some.

and thankfully there are alternatives to those dolls.

but you are never going to get the media and the toy makers to stop pushing the envelope. they are never going to stop targeting young kids.

but the best source of how these girls see themselves and fashion and their bodies comes from the adults around them.

how you treat food, fashion and your own bodies will have the most profound affect on how they treat those things. if you yourself are constantly looking at fashion magazines and find yourself talking about how horrible your body is, they will too. if you watch a lot of television or movies whose focus is on sexy looking women... whether you think they are watching or not... they are.

anna and i came up with a rather enjoyable game to play the other day. we were at russell's tennis, waiting for him to finish and had nothing to do. there in front of me was a VOGUE magazine. so i picked it up and started thumbing through it. it wasn't long before i noticed anna over my shoulder. immediately my sensors blared an alarm.

"hey anna.. look at this poor model... she's so so skinny."

"yeah, she looks kind of sick."

"dude... it's just cause she needs a burger... will someone give that poor girl a burger? look, it's written all over her face. that pout she's making is saying 'please... i need french fries."

"look at that one... she's asking for pizza."

and on and on we went, coming up with the types of food that each girl should eat so she wouldn't look so sick.

more than anything, i pray i can keep my own self-image in line... so that when i do have my own girls, i can be a fantastic example of how to truly love who you are.

so instead of turning over every magazine i see in the grocery store, that has someone dressed inappropriately or threaten to burn all the bratz dolls on the planet... my plan of attack is in the positive reinforcement. in the positive ways i see myself. in the positive ways i treat food and fashion. and hopefully, the girls i have will do the same!