I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD IT IN ME!


when i was in high school- my junior year- i auditioned for A MIDSUMMER NIGHT's dream. we were all given the choice as to which characters we wanted to read for. naturally i chose the two leading ladies. i read my heart out for them. nothing leading up to this moment of my life prepared me for what i saw when the cast list had been posted outside the drama dept door. PUCK. i was cast as PUCK. huh?

a) i had always thought that it was played by a man
b) a sprite? a fairy? me?
c) i didn't even read for that part
d) that's more than i am capable of

that afternoon i chased after mr. j- the theater teacher- and said:
"puck? for real???"
he stopped dead in his tracks, turned to face me, looking me straight in the eyes and said
"i wouldn't have cast you, if i didn't think you could do it."

turns out i could do it. and i did do it. i even received special recognition for my performance at the competition that year.

now here i am almost a decade from that moment in the hallway of my high school. so many decisions are being made right now and i feel like i am being asked to do things i definitely do NOT feel adequate to do. yet at the same time, i feel like my Heavenly Father is up there looking me straight in the eyes saying: "i wouldn't have asked you, if i didn't think you could do it."

and i can't tell if i struggle more with my faith that He's right or faith in my own ability.

there's a story that most people are familiar with... moses. ever heard of him? i thought so. anyway, i came upon this epiphany while reading in the pearl of great price in the book of moses.

in chapter one it starts out by talking about how the Lord comes down and sanctifies him and he is taught much. then he leaves. enter satan. tempting him, trying him and when that doesn't work-- screaming in his face. moses finally cries out to God asking for help... he comes back and satan is cast out. then the Lord takes this opportunity to teach him a little bit more... listen to what he says in chapter 1, vs. 25:

"blessed art thou, moses, for i, the Almighty have chosen thee, and thou shalt be made stronger than the many waters for they shall obey thy command as if thou wert God."

wow- did you notice something so profound there? what single act is moses most well-known for? parting the red sea. and here is God, years before he EVER has to do it, telling him that he will have the power to move water. maybe that's why it was so easy for him to know, as he was standing on the shore, how he was going to save the children of israel. and that he would have the power to actually make it happen.

and i know i have been promised similar blessings. i will never be asked to move water... but the path i know i am supposed to be on is just as scary as a large deep sea and looking up at my Father asking "me? you really want me to do that?"

and mr j's voice comes into my head from those many years ago...

"i wouldn't have asked if i didn't think you could do it."

SICK DAYS


it started out like any other head-cold last week... sinus-pressure, headache, aloofness. i was just like the actors on those cold medicine commercials- except for that squinty-eye-while-they -massage-their-temples thing that they do was for real and not fake or extremely exaggerated.

but i persevered. that's what you have to do when you are teaching 22, 5-7 year-olds how to become an alien, running to and from the 1 pm matinee and then staying at work til 7pm to make sure that the hoards of patrons coming to the next days' performance don't yell at you because their name was mis-spelled on the ticket.

the worst of it hit tuesday morning of this week. i knew it was bad when my boss put me in a cab and sent me home and cleaned my entire work space with bleach.

i got home at 2 pm... crawled into bed by 2:30... and i have been here ever since.

i have watched 6.3 movies in the last day and a half (i fell asleep through most of 13 going on 30).

i didn't have the energy to open the jar of pasta sauce for my dinner last night. the only person around to help me was my sweet but feeble roommate who also couldn't open it. i tried to scream i was so frustrated. but you can't scream when you've lost your voice... it's physically impossible... believe me...i tried.

i talked with a friend on the phone who after hearing me try to speak said "dude you sound like poo." i laughed and said "yeah i probably look like poo too" they agreed with me. then i hung up on them. okay no i didn't really- but that would have been really funny.

instead of a handsome, strong and truly supportive man laying next to me in my bed, it's a box of kleenex, 40 used tissues and an empty bag of doritos. no crumbs... i ate those... i was too tired to get up and make something else to eat. mmmmm.... crumbs.

everyone i know is sick right now- with the exact same crap. even the woman at HR where i work had a tale of her trip to the ER because she was that sick. what's the deal- i know they taught us in kindergarten to share- but this seems a little excessive, right?

dayquil really has my seal of approval. i woke up this morning with the most horrendous pain in my lungs. to cough was to send glass shards through my chest. i loaded up on dayquil and the world seemed to calm down all around me. yummy dayquil-ness. in gel-cap form though... no way you're getting me to drink that liquid crap.

i have left my room only 13 times in past 48 hours. the majority of those times were to pay homage to the toilet god. we're BFF now.

tomorrow i go into work at 1pm-- this will ensure that even if i do wake-up at 3 am with huge stomach pains and trips to my new BFF every 10 minutes AGAIN then i will get to sleep in and still have my energy for another great day as the box office guru. lucky me!

worst words to hear first thing in the morning:

"hi it's mom... dad's in the emergency room- we think he's had a heart attack... but everything's okay."


yes dad is okay.
yes my mother should have reversed the order of information:
"hi it's mom... EVERYTHING IS OKAY... but dad blah blah blah.
yes it's moments like these that make me love my family so much more.
yes i wish i had the time and the money to go and see them.

CHANGE IT UP!

dearest family and friends,

the time has finally come to change the way my blog looks. so i took matters into my own hands and as you can all see, change indeed has been made here.

however, i regret to inform you that with this change has come the unfortunate experience of not knowing how to retain all of the previous information (ie links to all ya'lls blogs) noted on my lovely blog. i did my best to recover what i could, but i fear that there are some very important links that may have been missed that my poor brain cannot at this point retrieve.

please please please-- let me know if you were once linked and are no longer linked. i would feel worse than i do that i can't remember you.

oh dear- my brain is officially fried- and i blame peter pan.

Love,
Peggy

PS- stefanie and cass-- what are your blog addresses again???
PPS- oh and i forgot

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

FROM THE 2nd FLOOR


i live in a house-- two apartments-- we are on the 1st floor

up until last thursday we lived under harley tattoo neighbor man (term coined by miss mary)
many of you have heard the stories of said neighbor (who's bedroom just so happens to be directly underneath mine) and his many "woman stories" that still haunt me to this day! oy!

now "htnb" has moved himself to warmer climates- florida- and we have three new upstairs neighbors.
unmarried.
heavy boston accents.
contractors.
nice as can be and willing to fix up our falling down place.
friends of previous tenant.

monday being my day off, i was lounging in bed. 9 am rolls around and all of a sudden there's a knock at the door. it's one of my new neighbors. he introduces himself and we begin talking about the fixer-uppers they are doing to their apartment and then offers his services if ours ever needs anything... BOY DOES IT EVER!

i have never been in the upstairs apartment before and intrigued, i asked to see it. once up there i am introduced to neighbor man #1's boss. they take me on the tour and show me around, smallish chit chat "what do you do for a living, where are you from" then--

neighbor man #1: so you guys are nuns, right?

me: LOLOLOL--ummm... nope

neighbor man #1: oh really? yeah dey tol me when i moved in dat i had to be really nice to deh ladies dat lived downstehs, cause dey were nuns, and i was like- yeah dat's cool

me: LOLOLOL... well i would imagine if they thought that it was because we sort of live like nuns-- in a way... you know... no sex, alcohol or drugs.

neighbor man #1: oh yeah, well dats cool. so yor all like church goin girls.

me: yes... indeed we are!


who knows- maybe it would have been best to let him keep thinking we were nuns-- he being catholic (as he told me)-- and just for fun twist the guilt knife in his back about having his girlfriend over or the beer in his hand.

THE NEXT GENERATION




i was excited this morning to learn that today was the day they would announce the new president of our church. we all, of course, new who it was going to be, but for some reason i had forgotten that they were also to announce a new counselor in the first presidency as well.

my roommate and i had been out doing laundry and made it home just in time to watch the announcement via the computer. the sister missionaries, who live just down the street, had come over to watch it with us and so in awe we stood in my ugly purple kitchen where we stationed the computer, and watched and listened to this broadcast.

the spirit filled our kitchen and my heart as i watched the three men that would lead the next generation of church members into this final dispensation. i listened as with a calm confidence, President Monson answered some of the more "hot-button" topics the church faces daily.

i began to realize the kinds of power each man possesses:

President Monson with his ability to teach by way of the parable, the way the savior taught. having worked hard all of his years with such compassion and grace. he has learned at the feet of his dear long-time friend the late President Hinckley and coupled with his own experiences of service in our church, has evolved into an amazing leader.

President Eyring who is never afraid to show that the spirit touches his sweet soul in such a way that tears flow freely. he urges the sinner to come back, he prays for those who struggle and he pleads for all of us to do better. his tenderness is his tool.

President Uchtdorf who carries a huge presence with him. he speaks with authority, the kind that makes you sit up a little taller in your seat and take note. he is a powerful man, one with the kind of leadership that is needed to possibly be used to confront the tougher subjects and those that would oppose us as a church.

i am excited to see the ways in which the church will grow and evolve with the new leadership. President Hinckley will be missed greatly and i know i will personally feel the void of his spirit in the next conference and those to come. he truly made a marvelous impact on how i live my life and how i see myself as a woman of God and as a woman of this church.

REALIZATION


the winds of change are blowing rather hard these days-- the storm is just beginning to brew and i forgot my umbrella.