DO YOU HAVE A SPARKLE?

today i, for the first time, watched

despite what you may or may not have read in the reviews, i give this movie two peggy thumbs up! i LOVE that it's a really clean family friendly movie with no "potty humor" additives to "make the kids laugh." and i am really starting to fall in love with this up and coming writer/director ZACH HELM, who was also writer/director of another favorite film: "stranger than fiction." good writing. great directing. can't wait to see what he comes up with next!

of course because this is where i am in my life and brain right now, i saw very significant lessons at the heart of this little story that resonated with me... shall i tell you what they are?

alright, follow me into peggy's parallel land!

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mr. helm starts off his story introducing us to a character named mahoney. played rather sweetly by natalie portman. the narrator (who is also mahoney's 10 year old friend, eric) begins by explaining that:

"when she was younger everyone thought she was a musical genius, a brilliant pianist. and she believed them but now, as she became a grown-up, she wasn't so sure i don't know why grown-ups don't believe what they did when they were kids i mean, aren't they supposed to be smarter? what mahoney needed was the opportunity to prove to herself that she was something more than what she believed"

mahoney, apparently has fallen victim to that disease that many of us eventually succumb to as we grow up... that fear that we really aren't all that great at the things we love to do.

rubbish.

later in the movie, as mahoney is riding on the bus she comes across a sign that makes her stop.

it reads:
DO YOU HAVE A SPARKLE?

obviously the writer isn't asking us if we've brushed our teeth. he wants us to stop and think about whether or not we are fulling the measure of our creation or just living. he wants us to question ourselves as to whether or not we still have that same passion for the things we love, our talents, because when we submerse ourselves into those passions- we sparkle


so mahoney asks a friend. if when he looks at her he sees a sparkle... in attempt to make herself more clear she says

"[a sparkle] like something reflective of something bigger that's trying to get out"

he responds honestly with
"it might not be so much a sparkle maybe more of a twinkle?... a glint?"

so many times i look in the mirror at myself and wonder what happened to the sparkle i used to have. it's still in there somewhere... but like mahoney, it's more a twinkle or glint these days. it's like my diamond got a little dusty.

earlier in the movie mr magorium has given mahoney something very very special... a block of wood. he tells her that the key to all of her magic lies within the block. she doesn't understand... it's just a block of wood!

often in life doesn't it seem that what we are given feels like a block of wood? either it's as boring as the daily ins and outs that don't get much more exciting than who's going to win on american idol, or sometimes the trials we have to face may feel like that same old block of wood- keeping us where we always are, in a pit. but what if the block of wood has so much more potential than just sitting there being a block of wood? what if you could turn that block of wood into anything you want and make it exciting?

through the help of a friend:
"what you need to believe in... it's not the block of wood, it's not the store,it's not me.
maybe what you need to believe in... is you"



mahoney realizes that she was the block that just needed to believe again that she could be anything that she wanted to be, that a block of wood has potential to have millions of possibilities- as long as you believe they can be. and before she knew it-

SHE GOT HER SPARKLE BACK!

so here i am at this same place as mahoney. i had a few good friends point out that i was only twinkling. helped me to see that i needed to trust myself and believe in all the magical possibilities that my block of wood can be. i'm not 100% great at it yet. (even mahoney started out a little shaky) but i get stronger each time i believe just a little more in myself.

so what did mahoney do next in the story?



she created! she made magic happen! she brightened the world with the talents she has. all of her possibilities unfolded and now there was nothing to stop her.

that is the natural next step. a sparkle only works when you shine it on something. sparkles are meant to brighten others and we only get brighter the more we shine on!

okay so i am taking a cue from her- i'm going out, to create to make magic happen and watch the world become a little brighter because i am sparkling!!!

YES, THIS REALLY IS MY LIFE!


WED APR 23
i started feeling sick around lunchtime. by the end of the day, i was miserable. my throat was in bad shape. on the way home i stopped at the local mini-mart that is just across the street from my bus stop. i grabbed all the comfort foods i could find and then asked the guy to snag me those nyquil tablets from behind the counter and i was all set.


THURS APR 24
around 2amish i was awakened with horrible joint pain and a fever... not to mention that my throat was now sore enough to start complaining about it. boo. i took more medicine and tried to get more sleep.

then somehow i managed to get myself to work that morning, only to discover that i had used every last bit of energy i had left trying to get there. and at this point my throat was so swollen that i had a hard time talking and swallowing. as i walked into the office one of the producers looked at my and said "OMG what happened to your throat???" further verifying in my mind that indeed i looked like the elephant man! (i tried to take a picture of the elephant man when it was in it's full glory, but i was too drugged up and they all came out too fuzzy to see anything)

so i went home. at 4:15 i had my doctor's appointment. he took a culture (that wasn't due for a couple of days) but was almost positive that it was strep throat. he started me on antibiotics and pain killers and sent me home.

the rest of the night was a nightmare... trying to find the least painful way to sleep and not swallow. the pain killers only seemed to be making me drowsy. the pain was still pretty intense.


FRI APR 25
after a restless night of waking up every 2 hours, making my way to the freezer to put more ice in my water, shuffle back to bed, take more 'non'-pain killers and try all over again to sleep... i was a wreck.

friday by far was the most miserable. i couldn't talk. i couldn't swallow. this wasn't working, something needed to change. i called my doctor who sounded a bit too concerned that it sounded like i was getting worse. he told me to double up on the pain killers and add some aspirin and then to add an extra anti-biotic to my diet. he also said that if i wasn't improving by the next morning to call him- because he wanted to see me again.

that evening was very drug-induced. i remember nothing about it.

SAT APR 26
i woke up this morning. weary from the inability to swallow... still. i felt like i had just been beaten up and left for dead. my head was pounding and now my tongue was swelling from the lack of moisture. i called my doctor's office only to hear the words "we are closed until monday... if this in an emergency, please call doc so and so at the following number" confused at why my doctor, just yesterday, told me to call this morning for him to see me- WHEN THE OFFICE IS CLOSED, i dialed the number left for emergency purposes.

frustration is not a strong enough word to use as i tried with all of my swollen might to tell the doctor on the other end of the phone my whole story only to have her hem and haw on the other end of the line and finish her mutterings with "well dear i don't know what to tell you to do."
WHAT? BUT YOU'RE THE DOCTOR!!! IF I CAN'T ASK YOU- who else am i supposed to ask?

i lost it. even though it hurt like hell, i cried and cried. so tired, in so much pain, so sick of not being able to swallow or eat real food... SO DONE!!!

lucky for me i have really good roommates who offered to take me to the walk-in clinic. my even typically really slow roommate actually was ready to go in 5 minutes... and we were out the door

and this is where the story just gets so... well you'll see.

as we made our way past harvard toward the lovely hospital and were just about to turn WHAMO! we were rear-ended from behind by a large work truck... see pictures of mindy's car below.




for those of you that know me, you won't be surprised at this story. like the immortal words of my home-teacher (who also just so happens to be mindy's boyfriend): "peggy this just fits into your life!" so right you are dane... so right you are!

so instead of the walk-in clinic we were now both directed to the ER.

my roommate rachel and i were laughing so hard as we were taking this picture... mindy later said i looked like i was from the movie star wars- yeah, i can see that!

turns out that not only did i come out positive for strep throat and now whip-lash, i also was severely dehydrated... cool... real cool.

several bags of iv fluid, an intravenous dose of antibiotics and a nice touch of morphine later and i am now home and i've lived, once again to tell the tale!

just chalk this one up to yet another amusing anecdote i have in my back pocket to tell at parties... seriously, when we all get to heaven... come over to my house- my earth video is going to ROCK!

IT's FRIDAY AND FREAKING BEAUTIFUL OUTSIDE !!!

this post is dedicated to my boss charles- without him there would be no laughter in children's theater!

NO, NO A THOUSAND TIMES NO!


recently i have been introduced to a remarkable woman with an amazing story of how she took all her talents in the world and without any 'formal training' in what she now does, became a pretty respected individual in her field. hearing her story inspired me.

she also led me to her blog DARE TO DREAM a website designed to inspire women to reach a little farther and obtain the goals they were sent here to do! and every day i *run over there to see what new inspiration she's cooked up for the day.

her latest blog has especially taught me a lot about myself. it's a lesson i only recently discovered i needed to learn. how to say NO!

i know that sounds really dumb... of course that should be an easy thing to say... but it's not.

those of you that know me know that i am constantly"on the go." my roommates are surprised when they see me at home, eating dinner, resting??? is it really you?

granted i work a lot... but then there's that other part of me. the part of me that doesn't know how to say no. the one that seeks for validation by being "needed" by others. it's camouflaged in the well-meaning admonition to serve others. but me... yeah i take this whole "do everything" attitude to a whole new unhealthy level!

+ the missionaries just called and need me to do this or that- sure
+ a friend had a bad day and could really use a friend- okay after the missionaries- i'm all yours
+ hey don't forget to pick up that one book for our thing tomorrow because i can't do it myself- yeah no problem
+ ummm can you come in early to work today so we can get the one thing done- right-o! i will be there with bells on.
+ i was wondering...- absolutely! whatever you need me to do! i'm your gal!

by the end of each week i take a mental tally of all the things i actually accomplished for myself and it turns out-- am so the under-dog in my own life. and it's no one's fault but my own.

in whitney's blog she references a book "The Power of a Positive No" written by William Ury. i am taking this incredibly insightful excerpt directly from whitney's blog:

I learned...[the importance of saying no] early on in my career from the...extraordinarily successful investor Warren Buffett. Over breakfast one day, he confided in me that the secret to creating his fortune was his ability to say No. "I sit there and look at investment proposals all day. I say No, No, No No, No, No--until I see one that is exactly what I am looking for. And then I say Yes. All I have to do is say Yes a few times in my life and I've made my fortune." Every important Yes requires a thousand Nos.


so onward-ho. let's learn how to say 'no' together, shall we? saying yes, when it works for us- when it's healthy and balanced to do so. saying no when it's important to manage my own life. my own self.

is anyone as bad at this as i am???

MY MAGIC FEATHER

i was talking to a friend last night and we were discussing the topic of confidence. she relayed a story to me that had more of an impact on me than she probably realized.

my friend attended a workshop or a show of some sort (okay so i don't remember the specifics) of a local story-teller. at one point the story teller said that he needed some audience participation and asked for someone that was really smart and said

"a 6 year old... i need a 6 year old... they are smarter than anyone else in the room."

an awkward silence followed.

"what you don't believe me that a 6 year-old is smarter than any adult in the room? well then with a show of hands... how many 6 year-olds out there think they can draw?"

all of the hands of the children shot in the air.

"okay, now for the adults... how many adults out there think they can draw?"

a few smattering of hands measly lifted into the air.

"ahhh... you see... i told you that 6 year-olds are smarter. they haven't let themselves be fooled into thinking that they can't do anything they want to."

and isn't it true? in my starving artist blog, a few posts back, i talked about confidence and how when i was younger the sky was the limit baby. i could do and be anything i wanted to.

so what's changed?

my ability to do those things never once changed but my perception of whether i could do them or not, did.

i've been thinking a lot about how to change that. i think i have come up with one really great solution as so how.

my good friends.

i have always been blessed to have good friends... through all walks of life. i am a lucky girl. so lately i have tried to listen to them instead of my fears when they tell me i can do something. it's in their words that i find the confidence to step out into the darkness and succeed.

i may not always believe them... but i have found it's easier to believe them than to listen to the stinking stupid dummy voices in my head! i'm like dumbo standing at the top of the circus tent with my little feather that my friends gave me... praying with all my might that they were right all along...

UPDATE #1


so it's been 1 week since i last blogged about the attempt at losing 10 pounds. i know that doesn't sound like a lot of weight to be complaining about... it's just that i want to gain control of my bad eating patterns BEFORE it's more like 40 pounds... you know???


MY PLAN: eat better and exercise more... no diet... no EXTREME measure to lose the weight... no cut out all sugar-- i NEVER would have followed through with that!

just seeking balance and better choices.


THIS WEEK: i give myself an A+ i did really well in following the plan... not perfect mind you... but really well... and that makes me happy.


WHAT I DID GOOD:
+ mom you will be so happy to hear that i am on my 7th day of taking a multi-vitamin EVERY MORNING... you were right... i do feel better! (for those of you that know me... you will know how extremely hard this one is for me...i HATE taking pills!!!)

+ i have replaced my daily bottle of diet coke with a 1 pint bottle of water that i refill at least once a day... that's 15.4 ounces of water (at least)... every day! and i still have diet coke! remember i'm not taking things away from myself... no punishment necessary... but the more water i drink the less diet coke i drink! tah-da!

+ i have also had A TON more fruits and veggies this week... choosing fruit i purchased at the haymarket for breakfast and salads and soups for lunch, over other options.

[a quick note of interest: i read this article where i learned that you actually need a small amount of fat in your salad dressing because certain important nutrients in green lettuce are actually fat soluble... so in order to get them into your system... you need the fat to help it do that. however, this doesn't give me license to pour on the fatty dressing either... but light dressing tastes just as good and helps me out! read the article here]

+ the snack at my desk all week has been corn chips and sometimes salsa. this is a HUGE improvement from my bags of cadbury mini eggs or box of mike n ikes. i have also told myself that i get 1 snack at my desk a day... it's at 3pm. it gives me something to look forward to... especially when the afternoon bore sets in!

+ eating dessert has been more moderate as well. i choose 1 thing and try to make it only one thing. instead of having an entire box or bag of something at my disposal... i give my will-power a break and just buy one small pack of something or one candy bar or something like that. again... a major improvement!

ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT:
+ just like i knew it would be, exercise has been the hardest thing to incorporate into my schedule and into my brain. i did go on one really good walk/run last week and one very mild walk on sunday. i also did pilates this week... only once (although the plan is to do it tonight too). so i did do SOME and yes i am feeling good about that... i still feel like i could be more stick-to-it.

+ i did have one REALLY BAD CHOICE day where absolutely no exercise was done AND all i had to eat was pizza and cinnamon sticks from papa johns (my new sinful delight). granted... i did have a friend who had had a really bad day come over and so OF COURSE we had comfort food. and even though i didn't need the comfort... i still ate the comfort food like i did! so the improvement part is to stick to my plan even when i convince myself otherwise... even when others are eating differently. AND THAT's HARD TO DO!!!

TO DO LIST:
+ stick to my same good eating patterns

+pilates tonight and one other time this week... and walk/running twice as well.

SOMEHOW...


i got this song in my head. so i checked out the music video. john parr is my new boyfriend!

a) john parr's hairstyle resembles pretty much every woman i went to church with growing up... most of them probably still have this hairstyle today.

b) about halfway through the video john parr is walking alone looking very sexy at the camera-- CREEPY!!! seriously gave me the creeps.

c) at the end-- YES WATCH TIL THE END-- the best part is just how awkward all of the actors from the movie look interacting with john parr... especially rob lowe... it kills me!

enjoy!


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