ON MY MIND...


i've got some things on my mind. mind if i share?

i move in just a few short weeks. well 4ish to be exact. and i find myself in this really weird place of not feeling like i belong anywhere.

i am trying to pry my strong fingers from the hold they've had on boston (the home i love) and start looking forward. but due to some unforeseen changes in my plans, i don't know what forward looks like.

i'll be in utah for a while-- and because of said unforeseen circumstances i don't know how long i will be there. but utah hasn't felt like home in 5 years. and whereas my family is there and i love being around them, utah no longer feels like the place i flourish... the place i thrive. so believe me when i say i won't be there very long, if i can help it.

then there's california. i am actually really excited to go, believe it or not. i have finally come to the realization that i am making the best decision for myself by going out there... so i look forward with a sense of christmas-eve-like anticipation and giddiness. but, it's still not home to me- yet.

and back to thinking about leaving here. you just have no idea how much i am going to miss it here. my heart aches as the memories flood my head. i have joked before that it's like i just got voted off american idol and they just pushed play on my "exit montage" where really sad music sings a goodbye to me and we watch all of the good times, hard times, happy times and miserable times flow into and out of each other.

i will always think of boston as the place i grew up. the place i found myself. the friends that have been my strength, the men i have fallen in love with and lost, the leaders in my life, the co-workers, the "soldiers" i fought with every tuesday night for 3 years-- they are all a part of this change in me-- my transformation. i certainly didn't do it on my own- and i certainly wouldn't have found myself on the other side of all of that without each one of them.

so the following posts- until i leave- will be a tribute to the things i will always love about this place. i guess, in a way, it's my way of keeping them locked in my heart forever.