ROLLING MY EYES AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!


the following words are used to describe my mood over the past few days:
frustrated, anxious, insecure

waiting for ones future to be decided sucks rocks.

for those that haven't heard, i am about 99% done with the required testing that it takes to donate an organ. back in june my little sister announced that she would need a new kidney. she's had kidney failure all her life and this needed kidney will actually be her 2nd donation. knowing that i was one of the next in line from my family to be considered, i went to the doctor's and had my blood tested for tissue and blood match.

the results: 100% match.

this exciting news has changed my life forever. back when she had her last transplant and the doctors told us they weren't sure how long the kidney would last, i made up my mind then and there that i would donate the next time she needed one. it's a decision i haven't looked back on since.

the remainder of the tests have been to make sure my body was healthy enough to donate the kidney. so far, so good. in fact i should get the results of this most recent round of testing (a 6 hour day of getting poked and prodded) within the next few days. if it's good, then i meet with the surgeon and we choose a donation date. the earliest date possible being the middle of november.

in the meantime, i haven't been able to do much by way of getting a job and although i have submitted my resume to several temp agencies, most places want me to be available longer than a month.

so really and truly it's been a very long month of waiting. waiting for results, waiting for calls, waiting for certain days to get here... waiting... waiting... waiting!!!

i'm tired of waiting. i'm sick of my days being filled with errands that come and go quickly. i hate watching my bank account shrivel up because the withdraws outweigh the deposits 100 to 1.

i'm so frustrated.

and then the sick reality of the fact that if we do go forward with the donation, it's 8 more weeks of not doing anything and waiting to get better.

i think i will run away to china. or something.

oh don't listen to me... i'll get over it and feel better in a few days.