DEAR 2010,
i am writing to you a bit early this year, because i am finishing my relationship with you in washington d.c. this year and i just know i won't have time to write to you for a while after that and i prefer to be early this year... i have a lot to say to you.
2010, what a firecracker year you have been to me. when i look back on all of the things you and i went through together i cannot believe i forged through ALL OF THAT in just 12 short months. it seems like an entire lifetime passed, not 365 days.
oh gosh, i think back to the early part of you, i was still sorting out my feelings for james. you remember how he and i started talking to each other again on christmas eve of 2009. we continued to stay in touch as you took the stage. i saw him again for the first time in mid-january and realized how much i did miss that stubborn man. he apologized- something that he just doesn't do very often or with much ease... and it took me by surprise. but it wouldn't be until march that we decided to start dating again.
boy oh boy do i have fun with him. spring with you and james was just so much fun. he and i connected in such a unique way and we spent many great days together and with D, his son. we even went to visit his family in FL and decided that we were going to get married. what a fun time. i was so in love.
looking back 2010, i can see how the heat of your summer proved to be too much and scorched my whole life as i watched everything fall apart around my feet. even though i did some amazing things like run the 5K in the 2010 Transplant Games in Madison WI and spearheaded the fundraiser raising awareness about the Miracle of Organ Donation and Transplantation, my job was suffering and as a result my finances were too, i had gained quite a bit of weight and then... well... james left my life.
i remember laying flat on my back in the middle of october wondering how in the world i was going to pick up any of the pieces of this shattered life and move forward. but you were wise my friend and provided some very solid people early on in the year that proved to be more than just a backbone and support. cyndi and marj and amber and mary and marinda, my new bishop and of course my loving family who rallied.
they helped that foggy version of peggy to navigate life for a while, while i sat on autopilot and let the pain of my loss seep from every pore of my body. marj became my boyfriend for a while and the two of use nursed for very painful battle wounds from failed relationships. i just don't know what i would have done without her. i am so very blessed.
but here is the part that means the most to me 2010. you helped me reconnect with my father in heaven in a way that i hadn't been doing for a very long time. you helped me to see how reaching out to him for support and strength would be the most effective tool to rebuilding the life i had helped to destroy.
i remember being scared of your final months, worried that i wouldn't be able to find joy or happiness through the veil of tears that flowed freely. but WOW is all i can say. all of the insights and direction were more than i could have asked for. the prayers that i said in the quiet darkness of my room and the answers that came more speedily than i would ever have imagined.
to top it all off, i did so many fun things this chirstmas season. made so many memories with people i care about. got taken care of by people in my life that i am grateful for. and i spent christmas day, surrounded by those wacky deming folks who make me laugh- The Deming Family Tacky Talent Show was just what the doctor ordered. so rad!
so now... my feet have been planted on a new path and i am filled with an electric current of excitement as i look to 2011 for what lies in store. i know i am being led and that whatever is coming is more amazing than i could have ever asked for or conjured up on my own.
as i flip through the pages of my 2010 date book, i can't help but feel every last emotion that accompanied it- the happiness and love, the pain and frustration, heartache and disappointment and finally the relief and joy and the love and gratitude.
then i get out my 2011 date book and i flip through the empty pages and take a deep breath at all of the possibilities that await. i really can't wait for this new year.
thank you 2010- for everything. for all of the things that we've been through together though, i gotta say, i am NOT going to miss you one bit!
your friend,
peggy
13 years ago