ALWAYS... WITH WINGS


so there i am, sitting in the waiting room of the honda dealership, waiting for my boss' van's oil to be changed

switching gears for a second (pun duly noted)

the people at this car place have it all figured out. listen to this. first, you drive through the entrance and you are greeted by a valet guy who writes down your car's information and sends you inside with a pink slip as he takes away your "patient." you are then directed to the receptionist who checks that you had an appointment and then tells you that your name will be called in a few moments. and true to her word, your name is called. you then meet with one of several people behind computers that looks up your cars' info and sees that you are in need of an oil change and sends the order into the guys in the shop. you are given your order ticket and told an approximate time of completion and then ushered into the waiting room. not only is this room set up with wireless computer access (and believe me there is more than one business professional in there with their "bluetooth" in place and their laptops all rearing to go) but they have computers for those of us that didn't think to bring theirs AND don't forget the TWO 50" flat-screened televisions decorating each wall, happily playing "regis and kelly." if none of these bells and whistles impress you, then there is the array of magazines and best-sellers to occupy you. oh and one more thing... if you have the munchies, there's a basket of yummy apples for you to take pleasure in. is that impressive or what? even my doctor's office (where i'm guaranteed at least an hour wait) doesn't have even a smidgen of that. this is a car place for crying out loud!

so back to my original story... can you tell why my blog's name is:

TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT

are you feeling the irony yet?

okay, so there i am, vacillating between the entertainment of day-time brilliance and the logic of my sudoku book and i'm doing fine. this will be the best hour and a half wait for an oil change that i have ever had. i look around the room and take note that i am the only female in the room. i look a little more, just to see if there are any cute guys worth making "eyes" at and when i realize there aren't, i lower my head and nestle back into my puzzle.

then all of a sudden i hear them. words that make my ears perk. i guess given any other time or place i wouldn't have even noticed the mesh of words set to lively music that make up the commercial that is being played, but given my circumstance i think my radar was a bit more sensitive.

"NOW TAMPAX HAS A TAMPON THAT OPENS UP LIKE AN UMBRELLA"

i know... i didn't know that either... can you believe it??? it's amazing!

"FOR BETTER COVERAGE."

at this point i can't help but look up at the screen, just in time to see three skinny models dancing around and smiling like they've just been told there's a new way to throw up your food and hide all signs of anorexia. oh yeah man, these girls are REALLY happy to be "protected" with the new "umbrella action."

it's at this point that i glance around the room. there are a few men who are yapping away with "joe from the office" and are too involved in their stock reports to notice that the television is even on. but then i see them, the few with books in hand, who apparently were doing their best to ignore said commercial. i see a few look at the t.v. and see our lovely models dancing, then as the image of the actual tampon flies across the screen and opens up like a cute little umbrella that even gene kelly would be pleased to sing in the rain with, their eyes immediately shoot downward and they proceed to do the hands/pants/shift shuffle.

~ you know what i'm talking about, you place your hands on or around your knee, lift your buttocks slightly from the chair and as you are gently tugging your pants toward your ankle, you shift sitting position and settle back down into the new, more comfortable angle.~

yeah, so these poor guys... who have probably been subjected to way too much "feminine commercialism" for their own good, once again have to make cool and continue on with their manly existence. and i feel bad for them, really i do.

nothing really ever embarrasses me, but today for some reason i was a little embarrassed. so i began to giggle (it's my natural reflex to embarrassment), but then i was embarrassed that i was giggling and probably looked like a 3rd grader and can't handle that kind of "adult talk." and just as i was about to hide my juvinileness in my sudoku book, i spotted him.

there he was, in the corner near the other tv on the other side of the room. he must have been in his mid-thirties to early forties, tall, brown hair, twinkling eyes... he too was fixated on the commercial and was giggling to himself. AH.. HAH! so i'm not the only childish adult in the world. there is someone else that feels the need to giggle at these ridiculous feminine product commercials that make being hygienic look like a pre-teen slumber party. or maybe he was giggling out of embarrassment too. i mean after all, these energetic women are talking about a very personal "woman thing," one that most of us would like to forget altogether AND furthermore, one that most men shudder at the slightest mention of. so i don't blame the dude.

as for me, i should be better at this by now. but i'm just not. i'm still immature.