SOMETIMES IT's GOOD TO BE A CRIPPLY


HOW RUDE... i know that's what you are thinking right now... it's so NON-PC... it's so degrading... it's so MEAN!!! yet would you believe that it was my paraplegic older sister who coined this phrase??? yes... she is the one that calls herself cripply.

this post is dedicated to WHITNEY and was born of our conversation from the other night.

i'll start with the background:

the first three kids in the family go as follows
JOHN
CHELLY
SUSAN

then there is 11 years followed by

WHITNEY
ROGER
me
AMY
DOUG

yes, same insane parents... just two different lives, as it were.

it's at this point (when i am telling this in conversational form) that someone will always ask... "so what happened to her... was she born that way?" and who wouldn't, it's definitely a curious subject. but because of all my years of being best friends and sister to this cripply of mine, i have mastered the art of telling her story... in its most concise form. so here goes.

when whit was born she had problems with her heart (skipping those details), at the age of two, she underwent surgery at the local naval hospital (my dad being a marine at the time) to correct the problem. this being a naval hospital and not having a pediatric surgeon, they weren't FULLY equipped to perform this surgery. sadly, the surgery lasted longer then it should have and oxygen starvation killed some very important motor nerves in her spine... those being the control of her legs.

yes, it truly is a sad story, but talking with her... you wouldn't pity her situation one bit. my parents were smart enough to raise this fiery red-head to be independent and head-strong... and boy is she ever! in fact, after about 5 minutes of knowing her, you somehow forget that she is even in a wheelchair... that's just whitney. this girl can do anything she puts her mind to. she plays the violin beautifully, she skis, rides horses and not that i'm really biased... but she is a terrific writer. WHO NEEDS TO GET HER ACT TOGETHER AND PUBLISH SOMETHING ALREADY!!! and she can and did the most amazing of all acts one can do here on this earth... and that is to give birth to a healthy baby girl!!!

but really this post isn't going to be about how sweet and wonderful she is... oh no... this post is about how horribly MEAN and CONTRIVING she is... because behind that innocent, beautiful smile... lurks the BLACK heart of a monster... who likes to make her sister... me... look the fool!

let me explain.

so you remember that story i told you about my trip to SUU for the shakespearean competition... right? yes, and i also mentioned that whintey came down as a supporter. and a great supporter she was. but then, she morphed into cruel sister and made a scene i'll never forget.

there we all were, a million high school students, lounging around the "common" area, where we waited those horrible 3 hours for the awards ceremony. we had all eaten dinner and now were left to alone to goof off and distract each other. i was off flirting with someone one and making jokes with this person or that when whitney, who had been in conversation with a few of my friends, calls for me to come to her... and like the lemming i am... i obey. she looks at me smiling and says

"hit me on the shoulder."
"what?"
"just do it."
"ooookkkaayy."

so i slowly pull my arm back and lightly (emphasis on LIGHTLY) hit her on the shoulder. and before i can even FATHOM what was going on, whitney is throwing herself to the ground screaming out that i've pushed her out of her chair.

so you know how in movies when someone throws a sucker punch and all of a sudden the music stops and all heads are drawn to the action in one swift motion??? yeah... that was me... 5 million eyes on me as i stand next to my "helpless crippled sister" as she "writhes in pain."

AND I'M THE JERK???

oh and let's not forget about the time that we went to temple square to see the lights (at christmas) and we stopped in the mall to get ice cream. as we're strolling along, she turns and asks my boyfriend at the time to push her. i should have known something was up, because she NEVER lets people push her... it's the independence thing. anyway, before we can even prepare for it, whitney starts singing out... as though she had "other disabilities"

"IIIICE CRAIIIIM"

at the top of her lungs. and she's looking at innocent bystanders and telling them that she has ice cream. and of course i am caught between a fit of laughter and trying not to look like a total JERK by laughing at the "sweet" wheel-chair girl who is so excited that she has some ice cream

isn't that sweet, Steve... that little mentally challenged girl got some ice cream?

and it's not like i could have called her out on it... people would think i was an abuser or something if i tried to tell her to "act normal." or if i tried to point out to everyone that she was a wolf in sheep's clothing they would look at me as the worst person in the WORLD.

yeah, whit's a jerk. okay, okay... i guess there were moments of pay back... i am the one that hit her with her own car (NOT INTENTIONAL... story for another day) after all. and when it's all said and done, i am grateful to call her my friend. besides, there are perks to being related to someone in a wheelchair... you get to cut line at disneyland... parking is always in the front, and best of all were the seats we had at the U2 concert... DUDE!

which is actually when she came up with the phrase...

SOMETIMES IT's GOOD TO BE A CRIPPLY!