I DIDN'T KNOW I HAD IT IN ME!


when i was in high school- my junior year- i auditioned for A MIDSUMMER NIGHT's dream. we were all given the choice as to which characters we wanted to read for. naturally i chose the two leading ladies. i read my heart out for them. nothing leading up to this moment of my life prepared me for what i saw when the cast list had been posted outside the drama dept door. PUCK. i was cast as PUCK. huh?

a) i had always thought that it was played by a man
b) a sprite? a fairy? me?
c) i didn't even read for that part
d) that's more than i am capable of

that afternoon i chased after mr. j- the theater teacher- and said:
"puck? for real???"
he stopped dead in his tracks, turned to face me, looking me straight in the eyes and said
"i wouldn't have cast you, if i didn't think you could do it."

turns out i could do it. and i did do it. i even received special recognition for my performance at the competition that year.

now here i am almost a decade from that moment in the hallway of my high school. so many decisions are being made right now and i feel like i am being asked to do things i definitely do NOT feel adequate to do. yet at the same time, i feel like my Heavenly Father is up there looking me straight in the eyes saying: "i wouldn't have asked you, if i didn't think you could do it."

and i can't tell if i struggle more with my faith that He's right or faith in my own ability.

there's a story that most people are familiar with... moses. ever heard of him? i thought so. anyway, i came upon this epiphany while reading in the pearl of great price in the book of moses.

in chapter one it starts out by talking about how the Lord comes down and sanctifies him and he is taught much. then he leaves. enter satan. tempting him, trying him and when that doesn't work-- screaming in his face. moses finally cries out to God asking for help... he comes back and satan is cast out. then the Lord takes this opportunity to teach him a little bit more... listen to what he says in chapter 1, vs. 25:

"blessed art thou, moses, for i, the Almighty have chosen thee, and thou shalt be made stronger than the many waters for they shall obey thy command as if thou wert God."

wow- did you notice something so profound there? what single act is moses most well-known for? parting the red sea. and here is God, years before he EVER has to do it, telling him that he will have the power to move water. maybe that's why it was so easy for him to know, as he was standing on the shore, how he was going to save the children of israel. and that he would have the power to actually make it happen.

and i know i have been promised similar blessings. i will never be asked to move water... but the path i know i am supposed to be on is just as scary as a large deep sea and looking up at my Father asking "me? you really want me to do that?"

and mr j's voice comes into my head from those many years ago...

"i wouldn't have asked if i didn't think you could do it."