hey... it's me


2 weeks and 2 days post-op. pain is manageable and healing is tedious and slow. the hospital was a blur. let me just say- nothing is more humbling than to realize that you can't do ANYTHING for yourself-- walking, eating, going to the bathroom... nothing without the help of someone else... humbling... i was lucky to have amazing nurses and a mom that were so patient with me for all of that.

let me also just say that nothing compares to the moment when you watch your sister with her brand new kidney walk around the hospital room cleaning and organizing-- all full of energy and feeling good! i am so proud of my "little kidney that could" he cleaned out 9 liters of toxic fluid from her body within the 1st 24 hours-- you go my little friend!

i'm also blessed to have the amazing family and friends i do who sent cards, flowers and treats-- who came to visit- who called and emailed and face-booked and texted- who check in daily to make sure i'm okay. i guess i didn't realize what a life-line it would be... there are a lot of lonely moments on the road to recovery- and these small gestures have meant the world to me

life has slowed so much for me i hardly recognize myself. there's a lot of sleeping, walking like a grandma (easy does it), even when i change positions on the couch it's slow and when i'm hepped up on pain pills- i talk slow too.

nothing sucks more than to realize you can't laugh! i know that sounds ridiculous- but i have never felt such pain in my life as the time that i got the giggles and couldn't stop-- i was laughing and crying at the same time-- i haven't experienced the kind of pain that makes one consider suicide, until that moment. oh and it doesn't help when you have a mother who is laughing and crying right along with you-- it's a true story- she got the giggles with me and then when i started howling in pain and crying she started to cry too. the nurses must have thought we had gone psycho when they came it to see what all the fuss was about! ever since then i have had to be extremely careful about things i find funny-- i HATE that!

i'm going to sound like an addict when i say this- but i really like oxycodone. nuff said!

last but not least- i have much to be grateful for this year. i have a healthy body and was able to help my sister to be as healthy as she can be. i have an amazing family who have been so supportive of me my whole life and most especially through this whole process. i have amazing friends who have done their best to show their love for me in the many big and small ways. i have a father in heaven that has guided my life and led me to amazing blessings-- even the ones i can't see yet. i'm such a lucky girl.

happy thanksgiving 2008!