TOP 10 SIGNS THAT YOU NEED A NEW CAR


10- the front driver's side looks like someone hit it with a baseball bat, the paint is old and faded and it's missing two hub-caps


9- it takes 3 quarts of oil, every two weeks


8- every time the kids you take care of get in, they yell out "this car is ugly"


7- you can see the words "listen and win me" on the hood, really well now... day or night


6- when your sister comes into town to visit, she asks several times if we can rent a car


5- the suspension is bad and will freeze up in the winter, so every time you drive over a small bump it sounds like a cannon going off


4- the headlights need a "toothbrushing" (with your roomies toothpaste)


3- it gets 1 mile to the gallon


2- the interior light is permanently broken so you can't see anything when it's dark



AND THE #1 SIGN THAT YOU NEED A NEW CAR IS....



1- when you get in your car on a very cold morning (like this morning for example) and you shut the door and it pops back open every time you try so the only way to get it to stay closed is to close it as best you can and lock the door as fast as you can. then when you drive along and turn a corner, you hold fast to the doors' handle and pray to the car gods that it won't fly open and spew you forth onto the ground. then when you get to your destination, it takes you 10 years to climb out of the passenger side door.

yeah, i think that's a good sign... wouldn't you say?

literary contribution: thorndike kids