SHIPWRECKED


i have been so homesick over the past 3 months. the first two months in utah were a complete whirl-wind. then it all came to an abrupt and jarring halt. it's like i've been sitting, listening to the clock tick for too long- stir-crazy wouldn't even come close to describing it.

so there i am sad and depressed, sitting on the pew after the sacrament meeting
enter bishop cook.
he sits.
he looks.
he asks the worst question possible-- "how are you doing?"
then come the tears.

with a few flicks of his magic wand, i find myself sitting across from him in his office spilling my guts about the sadness in my heart and the conflict that seems like my new best friend these days. i knew it was right to move away, but my heart wants nothing more than to take myself right back to that "dirty water" and live in peace and happiness til i die.

"this reminds me of a story peggy" my bishop says with an tone of understanding. "it's actually a story in the bible. you're familiar with the story of peter, when he walked out onto the water to meet the savior, right?"

"{sniff}," i reply

"well, have you ever wondered why peter never just turned around and reached for the boat?"

"hmm, i guess i never thought about it like that."

"and have you ever wondered what the boat represents?"

as i am busy thinking to myself that i have never once thought about it like that, my bishop answers his own question.

"you know, sometimes i think the boat represents weakness, possibly sins that we are comfortable with that when life gets hard we fall back on. but other times i feel like it just represents things that are comfortable or easy to us. in your case, boston is comfortable for you. it's easy to be there. and i know it's really tempting to want to turn around and just grab a hold of the boat, to climb back in and feel safe. but maybe, just maybe, the Lord is asking you to stay calm, call on his name and ask him to help."

i was stunned into silence. i had never heard of this analogy before and it was resonating through my head like a gong.

so what would happen if i just stayed the course i am on, went to Heavenly Father in patience and peace and waited to see what happens next? could it be possible that he has something more amazing in mind than what boston could offer? could it be that maybe he needs me to be other places right now, to learn and grow and build on the lessons he's already been teaching me and then i get to go back to boston... but because of all the growth it won't be the same boat anymore?

so with a very deep breath and a dab of the tissue in my hand, i resolved to be a little more patient. to wait out this period of trial to see what is on the other side. in the meantime, all of these trips back to boston, that i get to take for work, will be like a small little light in the haze. the peace i feel in the arms of those i call my boston family is just as real and reassuring as the arms that i grew up in. and i am happy to know that i can have both!